Canadian Tourism Questions
Prepare for the 2010 Winter Olympics - ask a Dubm Canadian question, eh!
[As you know, Vancouver will host the 2010 Winter Olympics. Here are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not, these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. The answers are a joe-k, but the questions were really asked...]
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (U.S.A.)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles. Take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes!
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (U.S.A.)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, right after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (U.S.A. )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with beaver juice before you go out walking. Make sure you take a hockey stick with you.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (U.S.A.)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
(http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_mar2007/Canadian_Tourism_FAQ.htm)
問: 我在加國的電視,從來也沒有看到過氣溫溫暖的景象。在這種環境下，植物是如何生長？（英國）
答: 我們完全進口長大的植物，然後旁看它們死去。
問: 我能在街上看到北極熊行走嗎？（美國）
答: 那要看你已喝了多少。
問: 我想要從溫哥華走到多倫多，我能沿著鐵道行走嗎？（瑞典）
答: 當然可以，反正只有四千多英里遠。水要帶多一點。
問: 在樹叢裡亂跑安全嗎？（瑞典）
答: 所以他們對瑞典人的描述都是真的！
問: 重要的是，我必須找到做海狸標本的地方的名稱和地址。（義大利）
答: 我不想回答這問題。
問: 自動提款機在加國普遍嗎？你可否給我一張多倫多，溫哥華，埃德蒙頓和哈利法克斯的自動提款機地點的列表？（英國）
答: 蝦，你的上一位奴隸何時累死？
問: 你可否告知我更多有關加拿大河馬賽跑的資訊？（美國）
答: 非-洲是那個歐洲以南的三角形大陸。加-拿-大是你國北方的國家。。。唷算了。對啦，卡佳立每週二是河馬賽跑之夜，不用穿衣服來。
問: 加拿大的北方在哪？（美國）
答: 面向南邊，轉180度。當你到加拿大的時候再連絡我們，我們會再給你更多的資訊。
問: 我能帶餐具到加國嗎？（英國）
答: 為什麼？跟我們一樣用手指就好了啊。
問: 你能給我維也納童聲合唱團的時間表嗎？（美國）
答: 奧-地-利是德-國邊界旁的小國，它。。。算了。是啊，維也納童聲合唱團每週二晚上在溫哥華和卡佳立演出，在河馬賽跑之後。不用穿衣服來。
問: 加國有香水嗎？（德國）
答: 沒有，我們不臭。
問: 我開發一種能返老還童的水。你能幫我在加國販賣嗎？（美國）
答: 可以啊，在許多有美國人聚集的地方。
問: 你能讓我知道卑斯省內哪個區域的女性人口比男性多嗎？（義大利）
答: 可以，同性戀的夜總會裡。
問: 加國人慶祝感恩節嗎？（美國）
答: 只在感恩節時慶祝。
問: 多倫多有超市嗎？是否四季都有牛奶可買？（德國）
答: 不，我們是個吃素的文明國家。奶是違法的。
問: 我對加國的一種動物有疑問，但我忘了牠叫什麼。牠是一種有角的大馬。（美國）
答: 牠叫駝鹿。牠們高大而且暴力，並會吃掉任何接近他們的人的腦漿。你能在自己身上噴灑海狸尿來嚇牠們。記得要帶曲棍球棒出門。
問: 我能在許多地方以英語溝通嗎？（美國）
答: 可以，但在那之前你必需先學會英語。
Prepare for the 2010 Winter Olympics - ask a Dubm Canadian question, eh!
[As you know, Vancouver will host the 2010 Winter Olympics. Here are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not, these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. The answers are a joe-k, but the questions were really asked...]
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (U.S.A.)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles. Take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes!
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (U.S.A.)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, right after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (U.S.A. )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with beaver juice before you go out walking. Make sure you take a hockey stick with you.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (U.S.A.)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
(http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_mar2007/Canadian_Tourism_FAQ.htm)
問: 我在加國的電視,從來也沒有看到過氣溫溫暖的景象。在這種環境下，植物是如何生長？（英國）
答: 我們完全進口長大的植物，然後旁看它們死去。
問: 我能在街上看到北極熊行走嗎？（美國）
答: 那要看你已喝了多少。
問: 我想要從溫哥華走到多倫多，我能沿著鐵道行走嗎？（瑞典）
答: 當然可以，反正只有四千多英里遠。水要帶多一點。
問: 在樹叢裡亂跑安全嗎？（瑞典）
答: 所以他們對瑞典人的描述都是真的！
問: 重要的是，我必須找到做海狸標本的地方的名稱和地址。（義大利）
答: 我不想回答這問題。
問: 自動提款機在加國普遍嗎？你可否給我一張多倫多，溫哥華，埃德蒙頓和哈利法克斯的自動提款機地點的列表？（英國）
答: 蝦，你的上一位奴隸何時累死？
問: 你可否告知我更多有關加拿大河馬賽跑的資訊？（美國）
答: 非-洲是那個歐洲以南的三角形大陸。加-拿-大是你國北方的國家。。。唷算了。對啦，卡佳立每週二是河馬賽跑之夜，不用穿衣服來。
問: 加拿大的北方在哪？（美國）
答: 面向南邊，轉180度。當你到加拿大的時候再連絡我們，我們會再給你更多的資訊。
問: 我能帶餐具到加國嗎？（英國）
答: 為什麼？跟我們一樣用手指就好了啊。
問: 你能給我維也納童聲合唱團的時間表嗎？（美國）
答: 奧-地-利是德-國邊界旁的小國，它。。。算了。是啊，維也納童聲合唱團每週二晚上在溫哥華和卡佳立演出，在河馬賽跑之後。不用穿衣服來。
問: 加國有香水嗎？（德國）
答: 沒有，我們不臭。
問: 我開發一種能返老還童的水。你能幫我在加國販賣嗎？（美國）
答: 可以啊，在許多有美國人聚集的地方。
問: 你能讓我知道卑斯省內哪個區域的女性人口比男性多嗎？（義大利）
答: 可以，同性戀的夜總會裡。
問: 加國人慶祝感恩節嗎？（美國）
答: 只在感恩節時慶祝。
問: 多倫多有超市嗎？是否四季都有牛奶可買？（德國）
答: 不，我們是個吃素的文明國家。奶是違法的。
問: 我對加國的一種動物有疑問，但我忘了牠叫什麼。牠是一種有角的大馬。（美國）
答: 牠叫駝鹿。牠們高大而且暴力，並會吃掉任何接近他們的人的腦漿。你能在自己身上噴灑海狸尿來嚇牠們。記得要帶曲棍球棒出門。
問: 我能在許多地方以英語溝通嗎？（美國）
答: 可以，但在那之前你必需先學會英語。
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